Category Archives: Very Serious Crazy People

Normalizing Nuttery

Did you ever find yourself in public, like on a Metro train or standing in the beer line at a sporting event, talking to a total stranger, when you realize in the middle of the conversation that the person you are talking to is crazy? You are just passing the time, maybe you say something about the weather, and the next thing you know, they start rambling on about HAARP and chemtrails, or UFOs and alien abduction, or the Illuminati, or the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. It has happened to me numerous times over the course of my life, and since I’m pretty sure I don’t lead an extraordinary life, I assume it happens to most people every now and then.

I also assume most people handle it the same way I do. Just lock a friendly smile on your face and nod along with whatever nonsense the crazy person is saying until you can extricate yourself from the conversation. You don’t want to escalate the situation, so you avoid conflict, don’t argue, just pretend you agree with them until the train reaches your stop, then bail out. It’s not your responsibility to try to rescue some stranger from the acorn box in the depths of their mind.

It’s different if it’s someone you know. You would try to get some help for a friend you suspect has been doing a lot of drugs or an elderly relative who has been spending too much time watching Fox News Outrage Channel. (Interestingly, in both cases the person will have a glassy stare, and be withdrawn and irritable. You can tell the difference because the latter will occasionally cry out “Benghazi!”)

You would try to help that elderly relative get a little better handle on reality. But what if they had no use for reality? What if they had created their own, more enjoyable universe in their head? What if every time objective truth intruded into that made-up universe they just created a new lie that they instantly believed and insisted everyone else must believe as well? It would be difficult and troubling to deal with that person, but we make a lot of allowances for family.

But what if that elderly individual was not a relative? What if they were merely someone you knew? Or someone you didn’t really know, but knew of through the media? What if that old, crazy person was preznit of Amurka? What would you do then?

That is the dilemma facing our nation right now. Our reality teevee preznit is floundering badly because he’s an incompetent fraud and con man who never expected to get elected and probably never really wanted the job. He has no idea how government works and has no interest in learning. He is the dog that caught the car.

And he’s more than a little bit bonkers. From the moment he took office, flagrantly lying about his inauguration crowd being the largest ever, he has reeled from one outlandish, demonstrably false statement to the next. He lies so brazenly and frequently that our journalistic media, and most of the country, seem dumbfounded and unprepared to hold him accountable. When they have the temerity to ask for evidence to support his outrageous claims, they get steamrolled by his skeletal spokesmodel saying stupid shit like “He knows things we don’t know.”

Well, Kellyanne, I’m pretty sure he also hears voices we don’t hear. We are all strangers on the train with him now, friendly smile locked in place, nodding along, hoping to get off the train before it pulls into crazy town.


Carnival Barker

What happens to our participatory democracy when Fox News Outrage Channel and the rest of the right-wing noise machine spend a couple of decades proclaiming that government is evil, greed is good, education and intelligence are elitist, scientists and teachers are anti-Amurkin, and we must all hate and fear the wicked brown immigrants? Eventually the target audience gets the message, and you end up with a fucking cartoon character leading in the polls for the Republican nomination for preznit.

In Alabama, 20,000 people showed up to a rally for Donald Trump. He has tapped right into the hateful core of the Amurkin right wing, the teabagger rump of the Republican party. The people who send you those chain e-mails with pictures of Michelle’s husband with a Hitler mustache or a bone in his nose and a spear. You know, sweet little old ladies from Pasadena. Like this one.

Cheryl Burns, 60, was on a road trip from California when she heard that Trump would be in Alabama. She turned her car around and got in line, warning people of what happened to states when liberals took them over.

“There is no more California,” Burns said. “It’s now international, lawless territory. Everything is up for grabs. Illegal aliens are murdering people there. People are being raped. Trump isn’t lying about anything — the rest of the country just hasn’t found out yet.”

Wait… What now? It just so happens, I have a friend – I’ll call him Chuck – who recently moved to California. I’ve spoken to Chuck by telephone several times since his move, and not once has he mentioned any concerns that the state he resides in – one of our largest and most populous – might no longer exist. In fact, just a couple of days ago, Chuck was extolling the benefits and advantages of his new home compared to his old one here in Misery. He went on and on about things like low humidity and no mosquitos and good wine. He even waxed poetic about how dust from the ongoing severe drought and smoke from the wildfires combined to render spectacular sunsets. (Chuck is a glass is half-full kind of guy.)

I realize this is merely anecdotal evidence. It’s entirely possible that California truly is gone, and Chuck was speaking to me with a government minder at his side, perhaps with a gun to Chuck’s – or his wife’s – head. But while it’s true that I no longer watch the Fox News Outrage channel or listen to hate radio, I find it hard to believe that no other media outlet would cover a story this big.

No, I think it’s far more likely that Cheryl Burns is just nuttier than Chinese chicken salad. But this rally was in Alabama, so you just knew some of the local morons would really bring the crayzee. Like this guy.

“Hopefully, he’s going to sit there and say, ‘When I become elected president, what we’re going to do is we’re going to make the border a vacation spot, it’s going to cost you $25 for a permit, and then you get $50 for every confirmed kill,’ ” said Jim Sherota, 53, who works for a landscaping company. “That’d be one nice thing.”

See, Jim just wants to kill him some brown people and make a few bucks in the process. Besides, killing Messicans sure beats the hell out of running a weed whacker all day. And he knows Donald Trump won’t let big gummint get in the way by creating regulatory roadblocks and taxing his bounty. No sir, Trump will let the free market work!

Razorback Madness

The politicians from my native state of Arkansas are embarrassing me again. And themselves. And the country. If this keeps up, I may have to create a new blog category just for them.

Last week, Teabagger Tom Cotton, freshman US Senator, penned a letter to Iran. The explicit purpose of said letter was to sabotage negotiations over Iran’s nuclear program. It appears — at least for now — to have failed that mission, but it did succeed in detailing just how dysfunctional and divided our government has become. Cotton was, after all, able to get 46 of his fellow Republican Senators to co-sign the letter. Several of those 46 have since expressed second thoughts, but the damage is done.

The whole world now knows that the US Republican Party will go to any lengths to torpedo any potential accomplishments by our current preznit. These negotiations have the stated goal of preventing Iran from pursuing nuclear weapons, a goal shared by pretty much every country on the planet. But, for purely partisan reasons, the Republicans have declared the deal “bad.” The rest of the civilized world knows the Republicans have not read the deal they have declared “bad” because no deal has yet been written, and may never be. Negotiations for a deal, however, continue.

Meanwhile, Teabagger Tom has become the latest right-wing media darling. What the rest of the world sees as scoring an own goal, counts as victory for his conservative base. He showed that nigger in the White House a thing or two.

Cotton has the zombie-eyed look of the true believer, the zealot, and his actions thus far in Congress reflect that.

While in the House in 2013, Cotton introduced an amendment to prosecute the relatives of those who violated sanctions on Iran, saying that his proposed penalties of up to 20 years in prison would “include a spouse and any relative to the third degree,” including “parents, children, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, grandparents, great grandparents, grandkids, great grandkids.” Forget about the fact that the Constitution expressly prohibits “corruption of blood” penalties — just consider that Cotton wanted to take someone who had violated sanctions and imprison their grandchildren. Needless to say, this deranged piece of legislation was too much even for Republicans to stomach, and it went nowhere.

Hoo boy, that’s some crazy shit, right there, so of course it’s got people thinking Cotton’s name belongs on a national ticket.

Indeed, a legislator in his home state of Arkansas has just introduced a bill that would allow Cotton to run for both re-election to his Senate seat and for president in 2020.

Ah, the Arkansas State Legislature. The minor leagues of modern conservatism. Which brings me to this story about State Representative Justin Harris. Another true believer, the “good Christian” kind, that uses his position in the legislature to pressure the Department of Human Services to approve he and his wife’s adoption of three troubled little girls, even though the DHS told them they wouldn’t be able to handle the girls special needs. And when the DHS predictions proved true, the Harrises gave them away re-homed the girls. With a child molester.

And it gets worse. Apparently Representative Justin Harris and his wife Marsha are both nuttier than squirrel shit.

According to Goldsborough, the two girls were kept in separate rooms that were outfitted with locks, alarms and video cameras. They were not allowed to be around each other because of the Harrises’ belief in demonic possession and telepathy, she said.

You really should read the whole story. It’s got all sorts of crazy; child abuse, political extortion, lots of lying and even exorcism of a 4-year old. To top it all off, the Harrises run a Christian day care center that, of course, collects state funds. Oh, Arkansas…

Reading Assignment

In an article for The Atlantic titled What ISIS Really Wants, Graeme Wood provides an excellent history of the Islamic State and further strengthens my theory that religiosity is the only contagious mental disorder. It’s much too long to finish during the average poop, so the vast majority of Amurkins won’t read it, even though they should. It should be mandatory for our elected officials, especially all the chicken-hawks calling for boots on the ground. But who am I kidding? Most of them are very much like the jihadists they want to send our kids to attack. They would never let knowledge or facts get in the way of their beliefs.

I really hope Michelle’s husband resists the pressure from John McCain’s war-boner battalion. I know it’s got to be tough. If I were preznit right now, I would probably have my generals trying to figure out a way to get as many jihadists in one place as possible, so as to drop a small nuke on them. But I ( much like John McCain) am not exactly preznitential material. This is the ideal time for some of Michelle’s husband’s level-headed pragmatism. From the article:

And yet the risks of escalation are enormous. The biggest proponent of an American invasion is the Islamic State itself. The provocative videos, in which a black-hooded executioner addresses President Obama by name, are clearly made to draw America into the fight. An invasion would be a huge propaganda victory for jihadists worldwide: irrespective of whether they have given baya’a to the caliph, they all believe that the United States wants to embark on a modern-day Crusade and kill Muslims. Yet another invasion and occupation would confirm that suspicion, and bolster recruitment. Add the incompetence of our previous efforts as occupiers, and we have reason for reluctance. The rise of ISIS, after all, happened only because our previous occupation created space for Zarqawi and his followers. Who knows the consequences of another botched job?

This. A thousand times, this. Preznit dubya’s idiotic War on Terra legitimized jihadism. And despite all the crowing from the right-wing about victory and The Surge® and establishing democracy, all we really created in the Middle East was a big fucking mess. And now, the same numbskulls that gave us that disaster are cheerleading for more of the same. If we invade and occupy Iraq again, we will legitimize — and strengthen — this shiny new caliphate, prolonging it’s existence, perhaps for decades.

Do yourself a favor and read the whole article. It’s worth your time.


I’m sick. I seem to have caught my annual cold early this year; fever, sinus headache, sore throat, body aches… and the dreaded cough. If things go the way they have for the last few years, all the symptoms except the cough will be gone in a week or so. The cough will linger, coming and going until the humidity returns in the Spring.

I’ve taken the last two days off work, trying to get past the worst of it, but not having much luck. Just laying around, drinking fluids, and not the good kind. My head hurts too much for serious reading, so I was looking for something light, when I remembered I had acquired an old, yellowed copy of a freebie tabloid last week while cleaning out the cubicle of a recent retiree.

My former co-worker — I’ll call him Mike — is a hoarder, incapable of throwing anything away. He once told me he could fill a large dumpster with just the empty cardboard boxes in his house, boxes from every purchase he has made since he lived there. Mike never actually rented that dumpster, though. He knew he wouldn’t have been able to put the boxes in it. For the last month he worked with me, I kept pinging on him to start clearing out his desk, but he never touched it, and on his last day, he just got up and left. It took me the better part of three days to go through basically every piece of paper that ever crossed Mike’s desk in the 12 years or so he worked there. I recycled, shredded and tossed hundreds of pounds of paper, ultimately saving a stack maybe 2 inches thick. (I’m not judging here. I’ve got a little hoarder in me as well, not for paperwork, though, but tools and hardware. You know, useful stuff.)

Anyway, getting back to the subject of this post, that’s how I came to be in possession of The Weirs Times And Tourist Gazette from Lake Winnipesaukee, New Hampshire, dated Thursday, April 24, 2003. How it came to be under a quarter ton of rubbish in a hoarder’s desk in Misery is a mystery I won’t bother to pursue. I kept it because that’s an area of the country I would really like to explore on a motorcycle trip. Someday.

On first opening, The Weirs Times looks like any other complimentary tabloid you would find in a grocery store foyer; lots of advertising separated by local news and events. But then I got to page 8. The first thing I saw was a photo of Michelle Malkin’s hateful face. Then it got worse. The photo was above a column entitled Brainwashing Preschool Peaceniks, about the evils of teaching young children that war is bad and peace is good.

It was right about here that the date on the front of this “newspaper” clicked for me. On April 24th, 2003 we were more than a year into dubya’s War on Terra, and just over a month into our invasion of Iraq. The right-wing noise machine was in full-throated primal howl, shouting down any naysayers and differing opinions, convinced they were about to remake the Middle East into a capitalist, democratic paradise. (And they were right, too. Why, just a week later, dubya flew onto an aircraft carrier and declared “mission accomplished” and an end to major combat operations. All the troops came home, and Iraq was all peace and harmony until that blackity-black Kenyan muslim socialist got elected. No, wait…)

Further reading of my 11-year-old copy of The Weirs Times reveals it for the libertarian propaganda rag it is. On the same page as Malkin’s screeching is an article about the ideological reconstruction of Iraq, written by someone from the Ayn Rand Institute. The next page has a long, union-bashing editorial entitled America’s Public Schools After 20 Years of NEA Dominance. One page later, an editorial by Thomas Sowell fellating the troops and slamming college professors and the “intelligentsia” for being against the war. Same page, David Limbaugh praising then Secretary of Education Rod Paige for wanting to teach Christian values in public schools.

Wow. These people really have a hard-on for our educational system. If we were to institute the ideas espoused in just those three pages, we would have preschool and college teaching about the glories of war and Amurkin dominance, and all the grades in between learning about jeebus and the invisible cloud-daddy from teachers earning minimum wage. Sounds like libertarian utopia to me.

I had to stop reading when I got to page 12, an editorial entitled A Dispatch From The Front by Oliver North. That would be the Oliver North who sold arms to a sworn enemy of the United States, and then used the proceeds of those sales to fund mass-murderers in Nicaragua trying to overthrow a democratically elected government. The traitor Oliver North. Fuck him.

So instead of learning a little about the northeast from this old paper, I got a glimpse back at the early days of the extremely ugly political times we are still enduring. I was going to put this thing in the bottom of my parrot’s cage, but she already has a bit of an attitude problem. I could put it in the recycle bin, but what if it somehow falls into the hands of the neighborhood kids? I think I have to burn it.

The Looking Glass

I wandered off into the weeds on the intertoobz again. Found a site called Viral Survival which bills itself as “The #1 Newsource for Preppers and Survivalists.” I kinda doubt that’s true, but hidden amongst all the NRA ads are some real nuggets of knowledge. In just the few pages I looked at, I learned the following:

9/11 was a false flag operation. The way the buildings fell “proves” they were taken down by controlled demolition. I’m not real clear on what all the hijacking of planes and flying them into the buildings was about. Maybe just for show.

Our government is secretly preparing for a financial collapse that will happen on April 11th. I’m not real clear on how Michelle’s husband could “schedule” an economic collapse, but I don’t have time to check into it. I need to go buy some gold.

Our government has also been constructing FEMA detainment camps to imprison all the anti-government Amurkins during a coming period of civil unrest. I’m not real clear on when this will happen, but rest assured it will be SOON.

There’s plenty more where those came from. As of this moment the first two articles are how-tos on building home-made thermite grenades and body armor. I’m bookmarking the site ’cause you can never find info like that when you need it.

Seriously though, a few months ago, I was pretty pissed off to learn the NSA is basically spying on all of us, gobbling up everything that happens on the internet and storing it. But every time I run across a website like this, I kinda hope somebody is keeping an eye on the guy.

And it usually is just one guy. Every article I looked at on Viral Survival was written by the same person. Much like here at the Abandon Mythology complex, it’s mostly just one guy sitting in a bunker, uploading his thoughts onto the intertoobz. That’s where the similarities end, though. Over there, it’s all god and guns, paranoia and anger. Here, it’s puppies and butterflies, with occasional descents into pessimism and ennui.

But… He is more prolific than I, and he has actual readers (some of them are kookier than he is) who make actual comments. Still, I know one of us is out to lunch. I hope it’s not me…

Wow. Just Wow

Sometimes my travels about the intertoobz take me to places where the line between satire and insanity fades, and reality itself seems to blur. I had to create a new blogging category for this conspiracy theory from a cat named Jim Garrow. Check it:

“What we’re going to see soon is an unveiling of the concept that we have in fact been contacted by and have been in communication with people from other civilizations beyond earth and that will be part of the great deception that is forthcoming soon from Mr. Obama,” Garrow told Rush.

Hoo boy! That is some top-shelf nuttery right there. I had to check to make sure I hadn’t accidentally wandered onto The Onion. I see my theory that when this country elected a black preznit, it actually broke some people’s brains is holding up well. Continue, sir.

Garrow added that Obama will claim he is in contact with aliens as part of “the greatest deception that mankind has ever faced” all in order to increase his popularity and help his low poll numbers.

And here I was, thinking Michelle’s husband would do something pedestrian like continuing to improve upon, and promote the successes of, the Affordable Care Act. It never even occurred to me that he might play the alien species card. I guess I just wasn’t looking at the big picture. But wait! It gets worse.

As for the Americans who rise up against Obama and aren’t deceived by his alien plot, Rush predicted that patriotic civilians and soldiers will fight Obama’s Chinese-United Nations army. Garrow even said that Obama will send in troops from Canada to bring down the insurgency…

When you are trying to rouse the rubes with a little-green-men-save-Obamacare conspiracy theory pulled right out of your ass, you want to make it as scary as possible, so I can understand the Chinese-United Nations Army bit, but why throw the Canadians in there? Seriously, the Misery National Guard could probably kick Canada’s ass.