Category Archives: Rants

Normalizing Nuttery

Did you ever find yourself in public, like on a Metro train or standing in the beer line at a sporting event, talking to a total stranger, when you realize in the middle of the conversation that the person you are talking to is crazy? You are just passing the time, maybe you say something about the weather, and the next thing you know, they start rambling on about HAARP and chemtrails, or UFOs and alien abduction, or the Illuminati, or the Protocols of the Elders of Zion. It has happened to me numerous times over the course of my life, and since I’m pretty sure I don’t lead an extraordinary life, I assume it happens to most people every now and then.

I also assume most people handle it the same way I do. Just lock a friendly smile on your face and nod along with whatever nonsense the crazy person is saying until you can extricate yourself from the conversation. You don’t want to escalate the situation, so you avoid conflict, don’t argue, just pretend you agree with them until the train reaches your stop, then bail out. It’s not your responsibility to try to rescue some stranger from the acorn box in the depths of their mind.

It’s different if it’s someone you know. You would try to get some help for a friend you suspect has been doing a lot of drugs or an elderly relative who has been spending too much time watching Fox News Outrage Channel. (Interestingly, in both cases the person will have a glassy stare, and be withdrawn and irritable. You can tell the difference because the latter will occasionally cry out “Benghazi!”)

You would try to help that elderly relative get a little better handle on reality. But what if they had no use for reality? What if they had created their own, more enjoyable universe in their head? What if every time objective truth intruded into that made-up universe they just created a new lie that they instantly believed and insisted everyone else must believe as well? It would be difficult and troubling to deal with that person, but we make a lot of allowances for family.

But what if that elderly individual was not a relative? What if they were merely someone you knew? Or someone you didn’t really know, but knew of through the media? What if that old, crazy person was preznit of Amurka? What would you do then?

That is the dilemma facing our nation right now. Our reality teevee preznit is floundering badly because he’s an incompetent fraud and con man who never expected to get elected and probably never really wanted the job. He has no idea how government works and has no interest in learning. He is the dog that caught the car.

And he’s more than a little bit bonkers. From the moment he took office, flagrantly lying about his inauguration crowd being the largest ever, he has reeled from one outlandish, demonstrably false statement to the next. He lies so brazenly and frequently that our journalistic media, and most of the country, seem dumbfounded and unprepared to hold him accountable. When they have the temerity to ask for evidence to support his outrageous claims, they get steamrolled by his skeletal spokesmodel saying stupid shit like “He knows things we don’t know.”

Well, Kellyanne, I’m pretty sure he also hears voices we don’t hear. We are all strangers on the train with him now, friendly smile locked in place, nodding along, hoping to get off the train before it pulls into crazy town.

 

Clown Car Craziness

The Paris terrorist attacks have patriots all over Amurka cowering under their beds, alternately blaming our preznit and pleading with him to launch another pointless invasion of the Middle East. To his credit, Michelle’s husband has thus far resisted those calls. I wonder if he’s also resisting the urge to stand in front of a world map and say “Paris is in France. I’m not preznit of France.”

The Republican primary has gone full-frontal reality teevee, pandering to the rabid rump of their party. It’s a race to see who can make the most outrageous comment or promise to do the most unconstitutional things to Muslims. (And of course, the guy with the reality teevee resume and zero experience or knowledge of government starts flirting with fascism and jumps ahead in the polls.)

Charles Pierce has posted some thoughts on Ted Cruz basically accusing the perznit of treason.

As to repeating Daesh’s arguments, well, there were seven Christians on that stage, all of whom believe that we are in a Clash Of Civilization with some tech-savvy hoodlums, and all of whom believe in the political salience of the return of the 12th Imam. And it’s not the president that’s turning a group of vicious thugs into the vanguard of a worldwide caliphate—which, by the way, is exactly the way they think of themselves. It’s you guys.

If you haven’t bookmarked his blog for daily reading, you are really missing out. The guy is bringing it, every day. 

On Friday night, every single candidate expressed the view that the Supreme Court’s role in constitutional questions is largely an advisory one. Mike Huckabee stated flatly that a president simply should ignore Supreme Court decisions with which the president disagrees. Naturally, because this was the hay-shaking Bible-banging crowd, the discussion took place within the context of the Supreme Court’s decision in favor of marriage equality earlier this year.

Despite the mainstreaming of what were once extreme right-wing views, I hold out hope that a “rational right” still exists, but I fear they are what we now refer to as Democrats. After decades of a deliberate dumbing-down of our politics via the right-wing noise machine, the ignorant-and-angry, hollering-at-the-world crowd may be all that is left of the Republican party. We may have reached Peak Wingnut… post-factual reality.

 

 

Fuck. Dick. Cheney.

It’s difficult to remember the exact reason Dick Cheney came to hold the top spot on my list of people I’m going to kick in the balls if I ever get the opportunity. I can come up with several reasons why he has held on to that spot for so many years, though. Everything from his spending a year ginning up support for the stupid and irresponsible Iraq invasion plan he and his PNAC buddies came up with back during the Clenis administration, to steering billions in government contracts to the company he once helmed and still held a lot of stock in, to outing a CIA agent because he didn’t like her husband’s politics.

Like I said, there are plenty of reasons to hate the guy, but it seems weird that I can’t remember the reason. Incident prime. Hell, maybe it’s that sneer and the way he works his mouth and lips around when he talks, like he just finished chewing up a toddler and the bones stick in his teeth like peanuts do for us humans. The truth is, he embodies a strain of malevolence that stretches all the way back to the Nixon administration, if not beyond.

But on Sunday, his appearance on Meet The Press cemented his spot at the top of my little shit list until he makes the world a better place by dying, and even then I might like to exercise the option to put a boot into his moldy, dead testicles. Meanwhile, he’s still out there cheerleading for torture.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney on Sunday continued his fierce defense of harsh CIA interrogation tactics used in the wake of the 9/11 attacks, saying flatly that he “would do it again in a minute.”

Did you catch that? He would do it again. Not we would do it again. Not the preznit would do it again. This evil motherfucker wielded more authority than any vice-preznit in history, and he’s proud of that. It shows in every interview he does. Like the Jack Nicholson character in A Few Good Men, he wants you to know he ordered the Code Red torture, but he can’t come right out and say it, so he obfuscates.

“Torture is what the al Qaeda terrorists did to 3,000 Americans on 9/11,” Cheney said on NBC’s Meet The Press. “There is no comparison between that and what we did with respect to enhanced interrogation.”

Come on, Dick. The old “Hey, look over there! Terrorists! 9/11! Nothing to see here.” is pretty weak sauce these days. The first sentence is an outright lie; what the terrorists did on 9/11 was not torture, it was mass murder. And that fact sorta renders the second sentence moot. It gets worse, though. He even defends the CIA’s sick practice of running food through the old Cuisinart and then using a tube to force it up the detainee’s ass.

Pressed by host Chuck Todd about whether the practice of “rectal rehydration” was acceptable, Cheney acknowledged that it was not part of the interrogation program. But, he added, “I believe it was done for medical reasons” — a notion that has been questioned by medical experts.

Not so much “questioned” by medical experts as ridiculed. I’m no doctor, but I know food goes in at the other end. I also know forcing a tube up someone’s ass is rape. We both tortured and raped people.

I feel the need to elaborate on that statement.

We The People of the United States of America tortured and raped prisoners in our custody. We committed the same crimes for which we once prosecuted citizens of other nations and imprisoned them for life.

And Dick Cheney would do it again in a minute. I have no words.

Oh Em Gee, Iraq!

If the past five years have taught us nothing else, we have at least learned how much of a disaster we avoided in not electing John McCain preznit. This man has been pissing me off for decades, but lately he’s really trying to earn a spot on my list of people I’m going to kick in the nuts if I ever get the chance. I may have to create a “Fuck You, John McCain” tag for this blog.

McCain has spent the last two years pissing and moaning about his flagging war boner and Michelle’s husband’s refusal to arm the rebels in Syria. Our preznit stated — quite rightly — that there was no organized opposition force to the Assad government, that there was instead a loose coalition of tribal, ethnic, and religious groups. He further stated — again, rightly — that some of those groups in that loose coalition were pretty radical and dangerous themselves.

One of those groups, now calling themselves ISIL, but formerly known as al Qaeda in Iraq, got tired of throwing themselves into the meat grinder of the Russian-supplied Syrian army, and decided to look for easier pickings. They turned East, and quicker than John McCain can say yes to a booking on a Sunday news program, took over a big chunk of western and northern Iraq. Supposedly, some 800 fighters chased off around 30,000 Iraqi troops.

Not only did Iraq’s paper tiger army flee in the face of an attack from a far smaller force, they abandoned billions of dollars worth of US-provided military equipment in the process. So now, ironically, ISIL has the arms Senator McCain so badly wanted them to have; they are just in the wrong country. And not looking to go anywhere soon. Right now, they are busy setting up their Islamic paradise.

Predictably, according to John McCain (and his girlfriend, Senator Lindsey Graham), these events signify the end of the world and another 9/11 and ooga booga it’s all Michelle’s husband’s fault. The alarmist bullshit is not selling so well right now, though. This time of year, Americans don’t even pay attention unless gas prices jump. Besides, with the exception of Republicans in Congress, absolutely everyone else in this country, regardless of political persuasion, knows that after more than a decade of our military adventures in the Middle East, we didn’t accomplish a damned thing. Religious fanaticism is still the norm.

Try Trolling

It seems Michelle’s husband has upset the Republicans again. (I know. Yawn.) It’s a twofer. First, over the weekend, the administration swapped five Taliban prisoners for our only POW in Afghanistan, a soldier held captive for five years.

I was about to write that the screeching from the right wing over this prisoner exchange is shameful, but it’s really just more proof that they have no shame. (Especially you, John fucking McCain. It’s bad enough to have to listen to all the chicken hawks of the 82nd Chairborne, but you damn well know better.) This man was an American soldier at war — granted, it was dubya’s dubious War on Terra, but still, we bring our soldiers home from war. Period. It’s part of who we are as a country. It’s quite possible this soldier deserted his post to wander off into Afghanistan on an adventure. That doesn’t matter. If you go to war for this country, you come home. Maybe broken or missing limbs, maybe in a box or in chains, but you come home. It doesn’t matter if you are a hero or a shithead.

I used to be able to say another part of who we are as a country is that we don’t torture prisoners or lock people up without a trial and throw away the key, but that was before Guantanamo. Michelle’s husband campaigned on closing it down, but he has been rebuffed at every turn by cowards in our Congress. The fact that we removed five prisoners from this cancer on our nation in the process of reclaiming a lost soldier is, for me, a win-win.

Speaking of our cowardly Congress, the second thing the administration did to get the right wing’s panties in a bunch was announce we would recognize and work with the new Palestinian unity government.

On Monday, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas swore in a new government that is made up of technocrats backed by Hamas and the rival Fatah political faction. Hours later, Secretary of State John Kerry called Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to relay U.S. willingness to work with the new leaders.

I would have paid good money to listen in on that conversation. I bet Netanyahu’s blood pressure was so high you could hear his head creaking. Based on an interview I heard this morning with the Israeli Ambassador, it looks like Israel is pissed. Good. Netanyahu has made it plain on more than one occasion that he neither likes nor respects our president. I hope this is Michelle’s husband’s way of telling him to stick it.

In fact, I hope these last few days are the beginning of a trend for this administration. I would like to see Michelle’s husband govern like a man who doesn’t have to face another election and doesn’t give two shits if he hurts the feelings of all those teabaggers who already hate him. I want him to see if he can smoke the bearings on the right-wing outrage machine.

Neglecting The Blog Again

Just haven’t been feeling it lately. A combination of the busy-ness of real life and my untreated dysthymia, I guess. Things are looking up though. Recent events have led me to believe that this winter will, in fact, end.

I caught a few minutes each of a couple of the Sunday news shows this morning. The latest Republican talking point/outrage is all about how our preznit is looking weak by failing to get his war on over Russia’s adventures in Ukraine. I’m still waiting for some enterprising reporter to ask the question John Boehner always asks when the preznit wants do pretty much anything. “How you gonna pay for it?” But, then again, I probably don’t really want to hear the answer. I’m sure it would involve funding cuts to social programs and tax cuts for the “job creators.” Sigh.

On one of the shows, I got to hear Rick Santorum — the absolute smarmiest of the smarmy, right-wing assholes — contort logic reality to the point I swear I heard a squeaking, cracking sound. It went something like this:

1) Russia is doing bad things in Ukraine.

2) Europe uses a lot of Russian natural gas.

3) Michelle’s husband’s is at fault because he needs to approve construction of terminals to allow U.S. energy companies to export U.S. natural gas to Europe.

4) Profit

Step 4 is, of course, the same for any and all Republican arguments. It is their Prime Directive. Again, no one asked the obvious questions. “Mr. Santorum, wasn’t the whole point of the fracking boom — turning these companies loose all over the country to pump out the ground water, add various toxic chemicals to it, and pump it back into the earth thereby forcing out the natural gas, but poisoning the remaining ground water — wasn’t all that so we could achieve energy independence? So why would we now want to build export terminals?”

Won’t someone please tell this loser he is never going to be preznit, no matter how much he whines about it?  

 

Pricks Abound

Interesting stuff going on at the memorial for Nelson Mandela yesterday. The Amurkin right wing were already a little butthurt over all the praise being heaped on a man they despised, so it didn’t take much for them to start expressing their disapproval.

Our preznit took a selfie with the Danish and British Prime Ministers and Rush Limbaugh was deeply offended at the way “Obama and the media are trying to make Nelson Mandela’s memorial services about the U.S. president.” Says Rush:

“Remember, folks, he’s taking selfies,” Limbaugh said on his radio show Tuesday. “He’s thinking about himself. He’s looking at this old guy Raul, and he’s not thinking, ‘Hmm. Should I shake this guy’s hand or not? How’s it gonna look?’ He’s looking at it as, ‘Everybody wants to shake my hand. Everybody wants to be me. I’m the big dog here. They’re the ones that are gonna get all the accolades back in their homes, having met me.’ It is insulting, yeah, but I don’t think that.”

What. A. Dick. Sometimes I wish Michelle’s husband actually did have a little of that ghetto nigger attitude the racist right imagines they see him governing from. I would pay big money to see him show up at Limbaugh’s house, call his fat ass outside and pop him one right in the mouth.

Speaking of making it about yourself, Senator Ted Cruz flew to Africa to pay his respects to the Mandela family get up and walk out in a huff when Cuban dictator Raul Castro spoke. So. Only two US Republicans went to the memorial, and one of them only did it to show his ass?  I’m really beginning to hope this knucklehead runs for preznit. A solid year of the selfish, despicable, asshole-ish campaign he would run just might be the end of the teabaggers.

And speaking of Cuban dictator Raul Castro, OMG our preznit shook hands with him! Gramps McCain immediately shat his Depends in fear, and began babbling about Neville Chamberlain and Hitler. With Iraq over, and Afghanistan winding down, the only way McCain can get a boner is by fondling his enemies list. If Michelle’s husband normalizes relations with Iran and Cuba, it just might kill him.

Capitulation Is Winning

It appears the junior Senator from Texas wants very badly to be preznit, but something tells me he’s already peaked at teabagger-in-chief. The government shutdown he helped orchestrate in order to shut down Obamacare is over. Not only is Obamacare still the law of the land, none of their other increasingly desperate ransom demands were met either. In short, the Republicans got their ass handed to them. But Ted Cruz doesn’t see it that way:

…That was a remarkable victory to see the House engage in a profile of courage.

Unfortunately, the Senate chose not to follow the House. And in particular, we saw real division among the House of Representatives. That was unfortunate. I would point out that had Senate Republicans united, and supported House Republicans, the outcome of this, I believe, would’ve been very, very different. I wish that had happened, but it did not.

He sounds like the bad guy at the end of every Scooby-Doo cartoon. “We would have won if it weren’t for those pussies in the Senate.”

I swear, he might actually be crazier and more delusional than Michele Bachmann. That’s a pretty scary thought in itself, but what really bugs me about him is every time I see a picture of him, I flash back 30 years, because he looks just like my old Uncle Toot did back in the day. And that pisses me off because my Uncle Toot is the nicest guy you could ever meet. Whereas Ted Cruz is just a big, flaming asshole.

Welcome To Amurkastan

I just don’t know what to think of this. Apparently there are unnamed parties here in Misery who would have us secede from the Union. Parties that have enough money to pay for a billboard, but cannot afford a map. (Or do not know what the word contiguous means.)

secession-billboard-e1381349939262

I’m sure those unnamed parties actually mean Mississippi instead of Michigan, what with Michigan being, ahem, you know, uhh… Detroit and uhh… all those people. But still, where does a stupid idea like this come from? And who is dumb enough to spend money promoting it?

It seems like my birth state has been coming up around here a lot lately. I can’t help but notice that this proposed redneck Utopia conspicuously almost completely surrounds Arkansas. I’m torn between being insulted that Arkansas wasn’t good enough to be invited into this new country, and worried that the rest of the US would just throw Arkansas in when the other states secede to save on border fence.