Fuck. Dick. Cheney.

It’s difficult to remember the exact reason Dick Cheney came to hold the top spot on my list of people I’m going to kick in the balls if I ever get the opportunity. I can come up with several reasons why he has held on to that spot for so many years, though. Everything from his spending a year ginning up support for the stupid and irresponsible Iraq invasion plan he and his PNAC buddies came up with back during the Clenis administration, to steering billions in government contracts to the company he once helmed and still held a lot of stock in, to outing a CIA agent because he didn’t like her husband’s politics.

Like I said, there are plenty of reasons to hate the guy, but it seems weird that I can’t remember the reason. Incident prime. Hell, maybe it’s that sneer and the way he works his mouth and lips around when he talks, like he just finished chewing up a toddler and the bones stick in his teeth like peanuts do for us humans. The truth is, he embodies a strain of malevolence that stretches all the way back to the Nixon administration, if not beyond.

But on Sunday, his appearance on Meet The Press cemented his spot at the top of my little shit list until he makes the world a better place by dying, and even then I might like to exercise the option to put a boot into his moldy, dead testicles. Meanwhile, he’s still out there cheerleading for torture.

Former Vice President Dick Cheney on Sunday continued his fierce defense of harsh CIA interrogation tactics used in the wake of the 9/11 attacks, saying flatly that he “would do it again in a minute.”

Did you catch that? He would do it again. Not we would do it again. Not the preznit would do it again. This evil motherfucker wielded more authority than any vice-preznit in history, and he’s proud of that. It shows in every interview he does. Like the Jack Nicholson character in A Few Good Men, he wants you to know he ordered the Code Red torture, but he can’t come right out and say it, so he obfuscates.

“Torture is what the al Qaeda terrorists did to 3,000 Americans on 9/11,” Cheney said on NBC’s Meet The Press. “There is no comparison between that and what we did with respect to enhanced interrogation.”

Come on, Dick. The old “Hey, look over there! Terrorists! 9/11! Nothing to see here.” is pretty weak sauce these days. The first sentence is an outright lie; what the terrorists did on 9/11 was not torture, it was mass murder. And that fact sorta renders the second sentence moot. It gets worse, though. He even defends the CIA’s sick practice of running food through the old Cuisinart and then using a tube to force it up the detainee’s ass.

Pressed by host Chuck Todd about whether the practice of “rectal rehydration” was acceptable, Cheney acknowledged that it was not part of the interrogation program. But, he added, “I believe it was done for medical reasons” — a notion that has been questioned by medical experts.

Not so much “questioned” by medical experts as ridiculed. I’m no doctor, but I know food goes in at the other end. I also know forcing a tube up someone’s ass is rape. We both tortured and raped people.

I feel the need to elaborate on that statement.

We The People of the United States of America tortured and raped prisoners in our custody. We committed the same crimes for which we once prosecuted citizens of other nations and imprisoned them for life.

And Dick Cheney would do it again in a minute. I have no words.

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